I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
