They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
