im gay
i know
yea but for you.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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