A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
