Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
