Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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