I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
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