she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
