End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
