Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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