No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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