i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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