i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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