my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
