She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
