just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
