I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
