Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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