Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
