im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
