Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
