woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
