We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
