So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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