I cannot find my penis.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
