my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
