So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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