just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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