just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
