Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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