I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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