i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
