apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
