I could have mohawked her pubes.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
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I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
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Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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