we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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