and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
