nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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