Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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