ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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