What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
