PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
