My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You were trust falling into bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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