So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
