You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
