I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
