I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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