Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
