Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
