There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
