I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
