My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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