I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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