What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
