This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
