I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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