We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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