He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
