fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
