i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
