Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
