Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
