Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
