Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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