I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
