His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
