I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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