Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
