i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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