they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
