I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
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sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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