My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
