Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
