I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
