I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
