i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
