you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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