fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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